dilemma3

OSCAR FOOD '03
The Year of Chicago

I know what you're thinking. Your world is in an uproar. You've never felt so tense. You fear disaster more with each passing day, and you don't know what you're going to do. The same question pounds your head over and over...

WHAT THE HECK AM I GOING TO SERVE AT THIS YEAR'S OSCAR PARTY?

Well, drop that aspirin and grab the Kroger coupon newspaper section, because you have just received Marilyn's FUN FUN FUN FUN Oscar Party Food Planner!

Yes, it's that time of the year when celluloid turns to cellulite, and it couldn't be more entertaining -- and tasty! Whether you go with theme food from the Best Picture nominations (from actual food served in the movie to title puns), or honor your own cinematic favorites from the year, you'll want to keep your guests on the edge of your snack table, from the opening number to Steve Martin's good night!

For those looking beyond the OSCAR Meyer bologna and wieners table, I submit, for your consideration...

Chicago -
What difference does it make, as long as the gin is cold and the piano hot? Plenty, unfortunately, if you're going with the rules of movie location, since most of it takes place in a PRISON -- with the possible exception of the year when all those English movies were nominated, what could be worse than a party of prison food? Ah, but put a Richard Gere spin on it and realize it's not just prison, it's death row, and death row means anything you want for your last meal! So throw out a spread of your favorites, with the added fun of knowing you'll more than likely live to see the next morning -- and be sure to throw in some Chicago dogs, because that's Chicago. (Don't forget to wrap up the leftovers in Cellophane, mister.)

Gangs of New York -
If you're looking for a fight, put the hotdogs and hamburgers and apple pie and Coca-Cola on one side of the table, and the corned beef and cabbage and soda bread and Guinness on the other side of the table, and see which one wins. (The Irish side also works with Road to Perdition fans.) D-Day Lewis' character called himself "Native American," but others called him the Butcher, so you might want to save time and go straight for big hunks of meat. And it's Scorsese (with Leonardo DiCaprio), so you've got to throw in some Italian (which I think D-Day Lewis was, but I'm still not sure). Plus Chinese for their opium den hangout. Oh, heck, it's New York and all their gangs, so throw in everything and everybody. Plus some Hot-Pockets for Cameron Diaz the pickpocket.

The Pianist -
I haven't seen this yet, so I have no idea. The title character is a Polish Jew, so you can go that route. Or maybe put together some ebony and ivory food to tickle your fancy.

Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers -
The best thing about the tons of JRR Tolkien pages are the hobbits, and the best part of hobbits is their joy of relaxing and eating. "What about second breakfast?" pleaded one of the little guys at the beginning of the 3-part epic journey of danger and loss. This is exactly the attitude you're looking for at a party spread -- good food and lots of it (perhaps two towers of it), with pints as well as half-pints. Gollum would suggest really fresh-caught fish from the stream. I recommend bags of Keebler Elfwiches. And onion rings. Precioussss onion rings.

The Hours -
Now we're talking. Of the five BP nominees, nothing fits the parameters of an Oscar night party better than this one -- the evening will be HOURS long, and the movie is set around three generations of entertaining. You can choose one of the three decades, or mix them up (which you really need to do to be true to the movie -- stir it together, placing like things next to each other like dominos to tie them together). For Nicole's portion, it's all about 19th century English afternoon tea (don't forget the sugared ginger)(and maybe some bird's nest soup). For Julianne, two 1940s birthday cakes, both chocolate with blue frosting (one should look like a disaster)(but if you happen to be near L.A., go ahead and grab some In-N-Out burgers as a tasty getaway). For Meryl, modern all-out upscale New York literary party food, with a special crab dish. And to better tie it all together, bunches of flowers (it doesn't matter what kind, as long as you get them yourself). And Hershey Kisses.

But if artsy Academy isn't your scene, do the most popular thing of the year -- a big fat spread of Big Fat Greek Wedding food!

So there you have it, crimestoppers! A fabulous starter planner for the glitziest snack table of the year! More snacks, more jokes -- and all that jazz!

Fun Fun Fun Oscar Food Food Food

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