dilemma3

OSCAR FOOD '98, or A Menu to Remember
The Year of Titanic

It's once again that time to push away all holidays religious, romantic and patriotic, and turn celebrations toward that most deserving subject of all: MOVIES!

Yes, Oscar night is almost actually here, and this means the gathering of really cool people watching the big event and pulling for or against this year's nominees. Since there will be competing parties all over town and they all feature the same thing (a television turned on to the same show), be the "it" party in town by featuring the bestest most tastiest and cleverest Oscar snacks ever!

First of all, if you're going to do Oscar-themed food, people will invariably ask you what the Best Picture nominees are, especially if they're planning to bring something. If you blank on them, that won't exactly inspire the tastiest treats, now, will it? Since Titanic is the one to remember this year, keep the other four nominees from sinking into oblivion by double double featuring them: "As Good Will Hunting As It Gets" and "la Confidential Full Monty." Your party is saved.

So what are the rules for Oscar food, you ask. ("Rules? In an Oscar party? There are no rules!") As far as I'm concerned, be all over the board. The menu should either be food featured in the film, food from the ethnic background or nationality of the film, or food inspired by the film's theme or title. Purists stick with the Best Picture nominees only, some extend it to all Oscar nominees, while I'm game for featuring the Big 5 and including any movie released in the eligible year since this night celebrates movies.

Several food ideas cross-over different nominees to save you some time and money. For example, most suggestions for The Full Monty and Boogie Nights involve hotdogs (please don't bring up Private Parts). However, Boogie Nights food is more likely to involve pornographic references, so whatever the food you do decide on for that, serve it wrapped in plain brown paper -- but don't mix it up with the brown paper wrapped British food representing Her Majesty Mrs. Brown (wouldn't that be an ironic twist on Queen Victoria? To avoid this, one friend suggests wrapping the Mrs. Brown British food in paper from a Victoria's Secret catalog). And for more fun, be sure to put the Contact food between The Ice Storm and Titanic.

"One, two, three--GO!"

Okay, enough of this opening-musical-number--between-winner-announcements-banter, on with the show! The following are some suggestions to help inspire you in edging out the other party competitors for Best Oscar Party of the Year!

Best Picture:

AS GOOD AS IT GETS: Lots of bacon (served with plastic utensils—from plastic wrapped hands), roast beef, 2 eggs, etc. Hard shelled crabs. And maybe that beer for "when it just doesn't get any better than this."

THE FULL MONTY: For featured food, Chinese take-away heated up under the hood of the car. For inspired food, 101 things to do with a hotdog: A hotdog with everything, Italian sausage with buns, or A Naked Dog Walking. Be sure to wrap one of them in cellophane before the party. Did they dance to "Sexy Thing" by Hot Chocolate? In any case, serve with six Del Monte peeled bananas!

GOOD WILL HUNTING: South Boston Irish bar food -- i.e., beer and cigarettes. Some Au Bon Pain pastry and coffee. Street vendor food. Anything with complex math involved in mixing the ingredients--like metric for American measurements. Oh, if you like apples...

L.A. CONFIDENTIAL: Downtown all night diner food, an obtainable cheaper version of dreamy pastries you could never afford or have, martinis or champagne, and definitely coffee and donuts (it's a cop movie).

TITANIC: Iceberg lettuce salad and pineapple upside down cake! And, of course, crow. A salad made of shredded dollar bills. Chilled champagne, caviar, bourbon on the rocks, cheap ale and bread, ice sculpture on the table, you get the idea. There is the Titanic cookbook currently in bookstores, if you really want to go over the top. One clever camper suggested "it doesn't matter what you cook to honor Titanic, but rather that it be a complete disaster."

And the The Majors that didn't make the Big 5 (acting, writing, directing):

THE APOSTLE: Southern fried cooking -- maybe some hot cross buns? (another combination with The Full Monty!)

ULEE'S GOLD: Honey, Golden Flake potato chips.

WAG THE DOG: Vegetable shakes (with perfectly coifed hair and tan), black coffee, Chinese and Albanian food (if you can't think of any Albanian food, just make it up -- think that's tough? This is nothing...), and if you liked the Woody Harrelson part, beans! Oh, and definitely T.V. dinners.

THE WINGS OF THE DOVE: Dove bars and Promises, squab, hot wings, and all sorts of lucious Italian food!

AFTERGLOW: Haven't seen it, but I'm betting something that gives you gas might work for the truly tasteless.

THE SWEET HEREAFTER: Desserts so laden with calories it will depress you to no end.

HER MAJESTY MRS. BROWN: The afore-mentioned brown-paper-wrapped British food, roasted Cornish hens, scones, etc. And maybe something from the recipe section of Victoria magazine.

JACKIE BROWN: I'm told the closest thing to food in this movie is words written on signs in the food court. You too can attempt to create a "Teriyaki Donut"!

AMISTAD: Chain-linked sausages (sorry).

BOOGIE NIGHTS: One foot long hot dog (possibly served next to the "heavily featured" dancer food at The Full Monty table).

IN & OUT: Out in L.A., "In & Out" hamburgers will be a requirement. In this one, everyone is eating popcorn while watching the Oscars, so there you go (and nominee Joan Cusack's character is always wanting to eat).

DONNIE BRASCO: Yeah! More Italian food! (or food posing as Italian food).

DECONSTRUCTING HARRY: Chinese food (preferably with sulfur incense burning...)

And then there are the categories that got the major ones where they are today and all the movies that didn't even make it to those categories. So if you had the perfect idea for Austin Powers (well placed fruit--could work for George of the Jungle, too) or Gross Pointe Blank (convenience store food--blown up), go for it. Or you could serve double devil's food cake for The Devil's Advocate and The Devil's Own. And some food is just too good to ignore - like Cajun food for Eve's Bayou with some Soul Food. (Although I would avoid trying to combine Nothing To Lose with Out To Sea--uhhhg). These non-nominees can range from the Oscar snubbed, like The Boxer (onion rings--get it? rings?--with a bowl of punch!), to the Raspberry Award angle of instead choosing to feature last year's icky movies and ickier sequels (fast food, turkey, or leftovers that you can re-hash, re-warm and re-serve).

Pals who contributed to this menu - Porter Poole, Stuart Ponder, Kaye Graham, Steven Estes, Chris Fallaw, Candy Sherman, Phil Bellury, Bryan Robinson and Reed Barker

Fun Fun Fun Oscar Food Food Food

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