dilemma3

OSCAR FOOD '97!
The Year of The English Patient

What, besides Billy Crystal’s opening number and entertaining jokes between the announcements, is there to maintain your BEST EVER Oscar party audience attention and attendance? Most of mainstream America has neither seen nor heard of 4 out of 5 of the Best Picture nominees. Tom Cruise is the only Mel Gibson/Kevin Costner popular guy nominated, and his single category won’t hit the East Coast until midnight.

It’s time to seriously think about Oscar-themed party snacks.

I began circulating my ideas of Oscar/Best Picture-themed snacks for your BEST EVER Oscar party back when Godfather III and Goodfellas were nominated for Best Picture. It was just so OBVIOUS what delicious Italian snacks you had to munch on while waiting to see who would wear the red ribbon. And it was fun trying to figure out how to tie the other nominees onto party plates.   Even Schindler’s year introduced me to a variety of tasty Kosher food I never would have thought about. But this year is, in the words of most major studios, a NIGHTMARE. When you consider that 3 of the 5 Best Picture nominees are English-inspired, or when yellow mustard is proudly mentioned in 2 of the major nominees, you’ve got to worry about the party snacks.

Oh, sure, if Big Night had gotten the nod then my job would be done, several friends pointed out. But it wasn’t, was it? So, like Miramax spinning a no-name nominee into a serious contender for Best Actor, I’ve wracked my brain and implored my creative friends to help me figure out ways to make this year’s snack table a winner.   Remember, the idea is to choose food from all the Best Picture nominees that is mentioned or seen in the movie, or, if you’re stuck, makes a reference to the movie’s theme or nationality.   To be fair, you’re certainly welcome to represent any of the other nominees on the snack table (like Best Screenplay), as well as your favorite movies made last year that were snubbed. This is a celebration of movies, after all.

First of all, there is the Sweeping Generalization Foods that you can use to cover several of the nominees. The obvious choice this year, sadly, is Fish and Chips (or some other obviously British food) to honor the fact that the Brits and their imperialistic subsidiaries made such a strong showing.   Beer, fortunately, has made an even stronger showing than the Realm, so virtually any brand, domestic or imported, can fit with some movie. And champagne (for low-budget independent movies, there is an awful lot of champagne flowing on screen).

As for the nominations themselves, for your consideration…

BEST PICTURE

THE ENGLISH PATIENT – Nationality: English, Hungarian AND African desert food.    For theme, kidney pie and hot (Red) cross buns! For the purist, champagne, chocolate, pints of beer and lots of lush, drippy plums, peeled and hand fed to you.

FARGO – Nationality: American Midwest, with Norwegian overtones, yah?   Lots and lots of Snow cones, Snow Caps, and a little Chipped Beef. Plus a couple of beef jerky with beer.

JERRY MAGUIRE – Nationality: American Sports. Thank God! An easy one! “Show me the Honey (Baked Ham)!” One friend remarked a lot of women he knows would consider Tom Cruise himself to suffice for this category, while I say, At last! OSCAR-Meyer food products have an appropriate home this year -- ballpark franks, nachos, basic stadium food, and beer. Plus Mexican food and margaritas (date food), and wedding cake and champagne (wedding food), with, of course, CUBAN SANDWICHES! (Supporting Actor nominee food)

SECRETS & LIES – Nationality: English. According to friends who’ve seen it, a 21st birthday celebration yields not only an enormous platter of burgers and bangers (sausages), they are also proud of having American mustard! (Big plastic squeeze bottle of French's). Then cake and lots of champagne. At times of crisis everyone made a cuppa, of course. The upwardly mobile characters drank a lot of wine to distinguish themselves from the lager louts of the lower classes (one carries around a huge 6-pack of Foster's). As for theme, you could run with the title’s suggestion, for example, what people on weight watchers really eat (M&M's and Hagen Daas)

SHINE – Nationality: Australian. Is there such thing as piano food? Perhaps take-out from Outback Steakhouse? During the earlier part of the evening, you can throw junky snack food all over the place and share canned cat food. As the evening progresses, martinis and champagne.

As for the other nominees...

THE PEOPLE VS. LARRY FLYNT - I don't even want to get into the suggestions I received (literally- edible panties, whipped cream).

SLING BLADE - French Fries with Mustard (or for the very daring, biscuits with mustard), fried chicken, potted meat, uh-huh.

BREAKING THE WAVES – Wedding cake and beer.

THE MIRROR HAS TWO FACES - Open-faced sandwiches (kosher).

THE PORTRAIT OF A LADY - Lady Fingers.

LONE STAR - TexMex food, Lone Star beer or Dos Equis beer.

HAMLET – Danish.

TRAINSPOTTING – Straight from Renton’s mouth, “Tomato soup, ten tins of. Mushroom soup, eight tins of, for consumption cold. Ice cream, vanilla, one large tub of. Magnesia, milk of, one bottle. Paracetomal, mouthwash, vitamins. Mineral water, Lucozade.”

EVITA – Champagne (and maybe before the party, wash your hair with Johnson’s No More Tears shampoo).

MICHAEL COLLINS – Guinness.

Pals who contributed to this menu: Joe Schwartz, Kaye Graham, Peter Graham, Steven Estes, Pasquale Cinnella, Terri de Mon, Chris Fallaw and Reed Barker.

Fun Fun Fun Oscar Food Food Food

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