electronic

Sept '92

Ravenwood and the Electronic Kool-Aid Test

   Homeowning has been fun lately. Not to knock the absolute nirvana of not coming home to Mom every night or Dad's curfews or anything, but those pesky little appliances have been getting in my way. I tried to use the microwave shortly after moving in, and it sort of heaved some light and energy and went "blah" and stopped. So I, being the expert electrician I am, pushed the buttons again and this time it sort of heaved some light and energy and went "blah" and stopped. So I figured that trip back from Virginia a few years ago and setting in storage loosened some wires or something and I'd get it fixed. Or the circuit in my 1964 house couldn't handle the energy and blew out my wiring.
   Later my refrigerator died (which involved much dragging of thawing food to other people's freezers) and Mom agreed to meet the repair man at my house so I could go to work. So Mom says she's got the key to the front door deadbolt and not the knob, so I could leave the deadbolt on but not the lock in the knob. Naturally she's got the knob key and not the deadbolt, so she and the repairman are locked out. The repairguy says he'll check all my windows and see if he can break in. Mom assures him that, although she hates them being locked out, I have the house so secured that I would die if he could break in. He checks all the windows and every nook and cranny, and finally he walks around the corner and opens the basement side door, which I unknowingly left unlocked the night before. While waiting for the fridge to cool down, he looks over and says, "Hey, why's the microwave unplugged?" He looks it over, says it's fine, and I probably didn't program it properly, as it's an older model, programmed differently than current models. Mom calls me and says the refrigerator repairman broke into my house and fixed my microwave. I said Great!
   Weeks later, Mom keeps asking me if I've tried the microwave YET so I finally drug out the instruction manual, programmed it properly and at last it sort of heaved some light and energy and went "blah" and stopped, and so did the refrigerator. So I check the circuit breaker and it doesn't look like anything's flipped, and the electricity stays out and then it comes back on. I say, Thank God the freezer's back! and, promising myself not to touch the microwave until the circuit has been approved by a professional, go to bed. The next morning the kitchen has that electrical fire kind of smell hanging in the air that wasn't there the night before, and I think, this isn't good. It's coming from behind the microwave, which I unplug. So, why don't I have a good little housewife to watch my house and call the fire department in case everything goes up in flames while I'm at work, I ask myself. So I knock out the power on the fuse to keep any more electricity from surging through my walls and it's on the same circuit the fridge is on and I don't want everything thawing again, so I risk the possibility of fire by flipping back on the fuse and now the power in the circuit has had it with me and refuses to come back on period.
    I call Mom, who starts in on how she has no control in her life and every time she thinks she has a minute to herself something comes along and she has so much tension in her life and she KNEW I had no business getting a house it was too much for me to handle and she and Dad are always having to take care of things but nobody asked her and when she tried to say something she was told to shut up (which wasn't entirely true, but didn't keep me from thinking you're about to be told again) and she couldn't deal with it today and I told her to forget it that I'd take care of it thank you very much and hung up. So I call the insurance company and they'll put in a call to their electrician and you'd think it would end there, wouldn't you? Oh, you are so naive.
   They said I'd be called by noon, 1 at the latest, and after thinking out several options I decide, fine, I'll take my freezables to Rita's and go to work and if nothing's burning down, I'll arrange an appointment for first thing in the morning. They don't call, so I get the electrician's number from the insurance company and "the number you have reached may not yet be in service." AIGGEEE! I call the phone company and they say that number is currently being moved and if I can't get through by 3PM the NEXT AFTERNOON, call them back. I call the insurance company who, in California, can't get through to them any better than I, and I give up. The next day the electrician comes out and cleans up the wires and says a few wires had been burned for goodness knows how long and that's why the circuit was so weak and died. He says the microwave and fridge are supposed to be on their own lines, but he thinks they'll be fine and if not, the fuse will knock out the power before any real damage and I can have a new circuit put in then.

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