dilemma3

Marilyn and Pal Mark Go West!
July/Aug '95

DAY 1: THE BEGINNING
    First, there was trying to leave Atlanta. Mom had gotten directions for me from my cousin in Alabama that would get me through 'Bama via backroads. These were the same sort of directions Mom would give me to take the back way around Kennesaw Mountain to a nearby neighborhood: "You know! The road that runs by Wayne's church! Then you drive a while until it juts out and you take that road..." Of course, I'm not entirely sure which one is Wayne's church since all huge Baptist, Methodist and Presbyterian churches look the same to me, and I'm not even sure Wayne's Methodist anymore. But I was pretty sure Pal Mark (my travelling companion on this 4-day journey) and I were looking at his church when we took the road that jutted out in the what seemed the proper direction.
    Alabama, here we come!
    We crossed the time zone, thus shaving an hour off our travel time, and cruised up in the hills toward Mississippi, listening to a FANTASTIC Sunday Morning Gospel radio show, with banjo and fiddle music that sounded like the Darlings on the Andy Griffith show. We stomped our feet and sang along with a killer rendition of "I Saw The Light." The announcer was the best part. He had a pleasant OKAY MIGHTY FINE southern voice, encouraging his listeners to patronize his sponsors' places of business. His first pitch was "Friends, don't go wastin' your money on fliers. Go to Jennifer's Flier Shop for the best silk fliers--"     "Oh--FLOWERS!" Mark exclaimed, and we fell apart laughing.
    Then there was Kentucky Fried Chicken with the Drive-Thru Wind'r and the local recycling place that offered the best prices anywhere on alumiyum cans. It was the first morning show where I was heard to exclaim "Less music! More talk!"
    Our stopping place for the day was Memphis for the sole purpose of visiting the home of the King. There was some part of me that wanted to see Graceland. I thought I could explain it, but Mark assures me I could not. He called it an experience he didn't care to experience again.
    It was getting late in the afternoon, so I opted straight for Graceland and we'd check into our Days Inn Hotel at Graceland on Elvis Presley Blvd with the guitar-shaped pool and 24 hour in-room Elvis movies later.
    "Do you think we'll be allowed to try on some of his cloths?" Mark asked as we walked past the cement lions into the front door.
    "I wonder what they're serving for dinner," I offered.
    We had a lot of funny things to say, but considering the crowd surrounding us, we didn't.
    My goal was to check out the house (which I thought was pretty small, relatively speaking) and hit the gift shops for wonderfully tacky Elvis stuff. I was disappointed the Graceland gift shops were so tasteful (relatively speaking) so we hit the stores across the street to view the Love Me Tender shampoo Porter insisted I buy (I didn't) and find an Elvis Pezley dispenser for Reed (which, knock me over with a feather, they didn't have). Although the Elvis flyswatter was tempting, I resisted.

DAY 2: THE MIDDLE
    We hit the road about 7:30, and within 20 minutes circled Memphis and crossed the Mississippi River, and --
     "Hey! We're in Arkansas!" Mark announced.
    "We cleared a state before 8 am!" I observed. "This is great! At this rate, we'll be in California before lunch."
    We couldn't think of anything famous for The Natural State other than the President, so we stopped off at McDonald's in honor of Clinton for breakfast AND lunch.
    Viewing the map, I secretly checked the distance from Highway 40 to the Grand Canyon when I discovered that 40 went right through --
    "The Petrified National Forest!" I exclaimed.
    Mark was nonplussed.
    "Hey!" I continued, "we're going to get to see the Petrified Forest!" reiterating my enthusiasm. Finally I cautiously asked, "You do know what that is, don't you?"
    Mark laughed, answered Yes and assured me that's why he wasn't excited.
    I continued looking over exciting areas we would drive through or near. I accused him of keeping the map away from me for alterer motives of keeping us on the road on schedule. How convenient that all this cool stuff is on Highway 40! I exclaimed.
    We were riding for 15 minutes before I realized the radio drone mingling in with the road hum was country music -- I quickly changed the station. Changed it again. And again. And again. And again. I put on a CD. Mark instructed me to look up from my CD collection to view the sign TOAD SUCK PARK NEXT EXIT.
    "And I bet you're just planning to drive on by," I said.
    "That's right," he said.
    I said if we ate dinner in Oklahoma, we shouldn't order corn because it would be too expensive -- I heard it's as high as an elephant's eye. We crossed into Oklahoma, where I saw a hawk makin' lazy circles in the sky (I'm talking, right after crossing the state line!) and where I complained incessantly about the lack of picturesque farmland.
    "This looks like Georgia!" I complained. "Alabama, Tennessee, Arkansas, Georgia Georgia Georgia!" I wanted flat rolling hills of wheat, a little red tractor and farmhouse and barn and silo off in the distance.
    We passed a corn field and Mark remarked that it was really only about 3'3", as high an as an elephant's knee. We drove by Oklahoma City (where the Xerox corporation had two duplicate buildings marked XEROX next to each other) and, fortunately for everyone in the car with me, the scenery began to improve.
    Finally we crossed into Texas, where the scenery was EXACTLY what I was looking for.

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